Growing up at 40

I can’t believe I am starting a blog.  It actually is kind of comical to me.  People have asked me if I would write something for THEIR blogs and I have declined under the guise that I am not a writer and I would most definitely do their blog a disservice. And yet, here I am. But – this is MY blog – so if I am doing it a disservice, so be it.

Over the course of the last few months I have become someone who journals. I did it because it was suggested to me after a rough breakup and it’s something I have always wanted to do. I have always liked the “idea” of journaling. I can’t tell you how many beautiful notebooks I have purchased at Target and a fancy pen – only to make only one entry and then file it onto my bookshelf.  This time, it has stuck. I think mostly because I have become someone who “shows up for myself” more now than ever. Whether it be writing, meditating, or taking the time to prepare good food for myself.  This has been a gradual process, but the reward has been astonishing. I am getting to  know myself and doing things I would never have done before out of fear of what others would think. I am surprising myself and honestly, I am my most favorite person to hang out with now.

All that being said I still have such a long way to go. I will end up getting into those specifics I am sure later – but sufficed to say – I am going to start going through this process of journaling publicly. I know I am not the only grown ass adult woman out there trying to figure out who I am, really am, and then struggle to move from who I am in my work, relationships, and even when I am by myself. When I say publicly, I don’t even know if anyone will ever read this – and i am not going to give my name.  I want to ensure I am totally honest, like stream of consciousness honest – and SO FAR when I attach my name to something I still filter (enter facebook).  Many friends tell me I am the most authentic person they know – which is an honor for sure, but it also means there are a lot of us fakers running around out there.  A lot of times I don’t have a clue as to what I truly want or what my opinion is about something…. But I am slowly learning – and I hope you will come along for the ride and maybe learn something about yourself as well 🙂